I have this male friend/coworker that I sit next to at work. I like to think of him as my work spouse. Here are some things he's said to me:
"Don't poop where I poop, go to your secret pooping place."
"I've got a kink only you can work out."
"You're a strange man, and I don't mean that in a good way."
"It's only a short matter of time until we die."
"You are my taco-faced love."
After telling me about the old shotgun his step-father gave him:
"You never know when something's gonna need killin'."
"I just want you to hurt."