Sunday, August 23, 2009

Our Neighbors Part 1: The Cancer Neighbor

My lady and I live in a townhouse in the suburbs. Older folks who seem to hate us for our relative youth surround us. They scowl at us when they see us getting the mail. They frown at us when we start our grill. They ignore our courteous waves and half-assed smiles as our cars meet in our shared driveway. We make an effort and they seem set on not liking us.


After starting the grill on our deck one afternoon, the neighbor that lives behind us walked over and said hi. I was excited as I peered down from my deck to this gray-haired beauty below. I was about to meet one of my neighbors, and I was positive she would like me. I could hardly handle my giddiness as she said, “Hi there, my name’s Marie. I’m your neighbor from behind you. I wish we didn’t have to meet like this, but…” And at this point, my giddiness turned to despair, as I am wise enough to know that the preface “I wish we didn’t have to meet like this,” meant bad news. She finished her sentence, “…your TV is really loud. My husband is dying of cancer. Can you please try to keep it down?”

I was of course friendly about it, acting as though I cared about her and her dying husband. “Oh, sure,” I said. “I didn’t realize it was so loud. We’ll keep it to a reasonable volume.” The fact that she tried to play the “dying of cancer” card, made me a little angry at the time, but I hid it well. Why would we care about her husband’s grave condition? What does that have to do with our loud TV? If you have a problem with our TV, just come and tell us to turn it down. I was pretty sour on her relating the two, especially when she spends 80% of the day out on her deck puffing on a heater and talking on her cordless landline telephone about how nifty it is that she can talk on the phone outside her house. When my mom was dying of cancer, at a much younger age than these folks are mind you, I could not have imagined using the “my mom is dying of cancer” card, although I am going to use the ”my mom died of cancer” card later in this story.

So after Marie told me to keep it down and that we, along with our loud TV and cancer were conspiring to kill her husband, I then asked her what time of day she notices the volume too loud. At night, afternoon, always? Her reaction was a bit puzzling, as she just stammered, “Um, eh, it’s just too loud.”

I reassured her we would keep it down, and told her my name and my lady’s name, after she asked, as if she cared what our names were. I certainly do not remember her name. Marie is just a name I made up for this little story.

A couple of weeks later, my lady and I were sitting on the couch watching TV and we could hear loud noises coming from our lovely neighbors. At which point I turned to my lady and said mockingly, “Turn your cancer down, it’s too loud!”

Now, before anybody gets angry, this is where I’m going to use the “my mom died of cancer” card. That and the fact that the Marie used her husband’s condition when telling us to be quieter, makes me feel good about my little joke. I’m ok with it. I felt bad at first, because we had our deck door open, and our deck backs up to their deck…so it is possible they could’ve heard me say it, but I’m going with the assumption they did not. Was it mean and childish? Sure, but Marie rubbed me the wrong way when she galloped over and said our TV was too loud for her cancer riddled husband. Just something about that…

So ends the story of our neighbor who is dying of cancer. Soon I will tell you about the other old woman who lives across the shared driveway. I’m pretty sure she’s running a homeless teen shelter, or an underage brothel. With her heart condition, I’m not sure how she can handle it.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Monday, August 10, 2009

Troy & Gabriella

I still can't believe Troy decided attend California to play basketball AND major in drama, just so he could be close to Gabriella! He is so romantic. I'm sure he could've played ball and been in drama at UA, but Cal. might just be a much needed change of scenery for Troy.

HD TV Rules

I've fallen in love with HDTV.
Last winter, we bought a plasma TV, and I continue to be amazed at how great the HD picture. So now we watch more TV than we should, but I've always been a "do things more than I should" sort of guy, so I'm not too surprised.

Here's an example of a baseball game in HD. Notice the extra wide screen and clear picture.

Now here's the same game in standard definition...

Staff Meeting Chatter

We had a staff meeting today, and as a female coworker of mine sat down next to me, the following conversation took place...I'm sure she thinks different of me now.

Me: Hi, how's it going?

Her: Good, how are you?

Me: Good, thanks. Wow, only 3 guys in here, and...ten women.

Her:'re right. Why are you worried about that?

Me: I just like to know the count just in case something happens.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Model Robot or Robot Model?

The Japanese are at it again. Creating cool stuff.

This time they made a robot who can imitate the movements of real fashion models. I know there's a joke in there somewhere.

Here's the robot/model

I was sort of expecting a little more when it came to the body. Maybe some fake flesh and a bikini, or even just some clothes. But what is that? Nice job on the face, no doubt, but it's 2009! What gives? Where the hell is my Sex-Bot? I thought we'd all have lifelike Sex-Bots by now, and I was pretty sure the Japanese would be the ones who would bring us Sex-Bots, but now I'm feeling like my dream may die with me.

Also, isn't she kind of young? Would you let your daughter model at that age? Neither would I, even if she was a robot.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Tiger vs. Dolphin

At Six Flags Discovery Kingdom in Vallejo, CA, a new exhibit opened last Thursday titled, Tiger vs. Dolphin. The following photo shows the customary pre-fight stare down and the dolphin's wry smile, of which the tiger says, "Gets my blood boiling!"

As for the actual fight, you would think they put the tiger into the water tank with the dolphin to begin the fight, but they actually take the dolphin out of the water and dump him on dry land next to the tiger. The tiger is undefeated so far.

Why would they pit a tiger against a dolphin? We asked that very question to the head zookeeper at Six Flags:

Zookeeper: We were trying to think of something nobody has ever seen. Something to capture people’s imagination. Imagine if you could see Babe Ruth face Roger Clemens? Or Walter Payton take on Barry Bonds in an arm wrestling match? How about Michael Jordan against Brett Favre in a no-holds-barred, full-contact pie-eating contest? I just like to think outside of the box, and let my imagination guide my immense talent, and pitting two great animals like this against each other, has always been a dream of mine.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Monday News Roundup

Here's some crap that's been happening.

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer's publisher, the Hearst Corp., has decided to shut down the paper if no buyer comes forward by March 10. They do plan to continue as an online only publication. I work at a daily paper, and to see print editions disappearing is not a surprise, but still stirs up my mixed emotions. Lots of folks still love touching and reading the actual printed paper, but more and more, those people are going to die, and the newer generations could care less if they ever touch a printed paper. For people like me, and I hope to God you're not like me, who are in the middle area, not old enough to be die-hard print lovers, and not young enough to not have ever held a paper, we just have to get over it, and move on.

A new Japanese gadget makes it possible to change settings on your iPod by using facial expressions. Looks good to me.

In Paris,
Indian designer Manish Arora paraded out his latest creation; Clothes to make you look like a kitty.

High School sophomore Macie Morse
was born nearly blind, but underwent experimental stem-cell injection treatment in China, and now has her driver's license. I'm not a scientist, and do not claim to know much about this sort of research, but it seems to have a lot of promise, so why is it still experimental? Here's a link to the Stem Cell Research Blog. And if you're against stem cell research because of some high moral religious ground you're standing on? Then f**k off with 'ya.

It turns out horses
actually do gallop regally in formation in the wild, as these horses did in Germany in February. And it was not for a Budweiser commercial.

In St. Felicien, which Google says is in Quebec, researches have been busy teaching polar bears to wave. It seems they are getting pretty close...

Thursday, March 5, 2009

WAMB Investigative Report on Pistola Whipped

There’s a new blog out there called Pistola Whipped Gets a Life. The lady-blogger who operates the blog recently called me out! Right after she gets all high and mighty about interviewing Salt-n-Pepa, she calls me out...

“…I think I'm in the lead for the Most Popular Blog contest (take that Midnight Toker)! All right, I gotta dip…”

The investigative team here at Where Are My Balls as uncovered some information about Salt-n-Pepa’s treatment by Pistola Whipped behind the scenes. The following is a transcript of Pistola Whipped on the phone, talking with her assistant, while she waited for Salt-n-Pepa to get on the line to begin the interview. She had no idea someone was recording…

Pistola Whipped: What is taking those lazy SOB’s so long? Do you think they’re having a 3-way with MC Hammer?

Assistant: What about Spinderella? Wouldn’t it be a 4-way?

Pistola Whipped: Come on, keep up, we’re just interviewing Salt & Pep today, no Spinderella, hence a 3-way, not a 4-way. Can you just stop trying to piss me off? I know you’re dumb, you don’t need to try to prove it every five minutes. I cannot wait to get out of here and get me a drink. Do you think the big one is super fat now? Jesus, what time is it? Those fucking ass-…

Pepa: Hello?

There you have it, a frightening look at how Pistola Whipped handles herself behind the scenes. She’s appears to be smug, crass, and mean.

We also have obtained a photo of Pistola Whipped when she was in grade school. It clearly shows a messed up child, who grew up into the nasty-mouthed Pistola Whipped.

(Pistola Whipped pictured in the front in blue)

Pistola Whipped, you need to clean up your act if you ever want to beat me.

Michelle Rodriguez Has a Dirty Mouth

Recently a TMZ photog asked Michelle Rodriguez:

Photog: "How's the community service going?"
Rodriguez: "How's the cock sucking going, brother?"

TMZ says that she said "dick" sucking, but I watched the video, and I think she says "cock". It's hard because both words end in 'ck". Either way, I thought it was funny, but I’m a degenerate.

Go HERE to see the video on TMZ.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Celebrity Spotlight: Siegfried and Roy

Today’s celebrity Spotlight shines on Siegfried & Roy.

A tiger almost killed one them a few years ago. Interestingly enough, the other one's favorite song is "Eye of the Tiger".

Here they are in their prime.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

MidnightToker is Stalking on Facebook

I had some down time at work this morning. Logically, I ended up looking on Facebook for a girl who had a big crush on me in high school. I never cared about her, never even talked to her, but I ended up at Facebook anyway. I guess deep down I'm worried that her life went off the tracks after graduation when she finally realized she couldn't have me. Her inability to have me probably shattered her whole existence, and I can only imagine she ended up in a mental institution eerily repeating my name.

I guess I could always go to a class reunion or one of the all-class bar parties and ask around, but I probably won’t. My school just had an all-school party last week that I did not attend. Of course, I did stalk my way onto Facebook in hopes someone had posted some tasty photos of the event. It was my lucky day. Someone, in fact, multiple someones, had posted photos of the night. Unfortunately, it was very unsatisfying. A lot of bald heads, and expanded waistlines; many people I barely knew, and even more I never wanted to know.

You know, I've learned something today. I’ve learned that no matter how much you try to forget your past, it may come back to you someday when you least expect it. I learned that not everybody is on Facebook. I learned that many of the people I went to high school with are now bald and/or fat, at least fatter and balder than I am, and that will help me sleep very well tonight, because, if I’m anything, I’m a vain jackass.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Tribute to Fashion: Mickey Rourke

After seeing Mickey Rourke at the Academy Awards looking all pimpy in his white suit, I knew I needed to pay tribute to this great American.

It's not often, maybe once in a generation, that an icon like Mickey emerges. He's a bad-ass, who dresses like a bad-ass, acts like a bad-ass, and eats wimps like me for breakfast! When a time capsule is unearthed in the year 3000, he should be the face people see, the face of America!

Here's a look at the 2008 fashion of Mickey Rourke.

Oscar Rourke!

Silky Rourke!

Tea-totaling Rourke!

Mask in one hand, champagne to mask the pain in the other Rourke!

Thumbs up Rourke!

Cowboy Rourke!

Rourke says: "Yeah, I'm wearing this. Deal with it. It's really bright and blue, isn't it? I just came from your mama's house, she liked it."

you can shave the baby - Art Piece

Even though it is an art piece, nothing can take away from this hairy baby's creepiness.

Why is the baby so hairy? When it was born, did the doctor accidentally drop the baby into a vat of toxic waste when it was born? Was it's mom born on the planet Hairtron? (My inner-voice: Yeah, you really nailed that one! Way to go, you're on fire today! Keep it up!)

My best guess is that the artist was super hairy as a baby, and maybe got ridiculed in school for being extra hairy. There's a fine line when it comes to school kids and hair. Have to little, and you get called baldy, have too much and you get called...hairy, I guess, or maybe Sasquatch. Either way, you gotta have just the right amount of hair to be accepted and left alone.

Click on the hairy baby to see it all blown up. (My inner-voice, again: Now it sounds like I taped firecrackers to the hairy baby and blew it up, but I'm really just talking about seeing the photo blown up to a bigger size...actually, blowing up a hairy baby doll doesn't sound like a half bad idea....)

Night of Jackman

On Tuesday night I watched the Oscars. I recorded it on my DVR. Most people would say they TiVo’d it, but my DVR is not a TiVo brand, so I don’t really feel comfortable calling it a TiVo. My DVR would probably feel bad if I did that.

I’ve seen most of the nominated movies, but I am still a little apprehensive about Slumdog Millionaire. I feel like I’m the only one, but when I see clips and hear things about Slumdog, it doesn’t make me want to see it. What if I don’t like it? Does that mean I’m racist? I wouldn’t think so… I loved The Visitor, which has plenty of different skin colors.

Two minutes in to Host Hugh Jackman's opening song and dance number, I found myself forwarding the show in thirty-second increments until the opening number was finished. I was able to stomach some of the award presentations, and some of the speeches, and a funny skit with Seth Rogan and the guy from Spiderman.

After one particular commercial break, Jackman was standing there with his usual perma- smile, but there was something different. He wore a white tie, instead of black, and he also wore a corsage, so you knew there was going to be some singing. As Jackman began performing, I reached for the remote, but my hand froze, as I stared in wonderment at THE Sexiest-Man-Alive singing show tunes in high-def. Was it his white shirt and tie, or his flashy top hat? Was it his affable smile or maybe his plodding dance moves? By now, other dancers had joined Jackman, moving this way and that, singing snippets of musical numbers, new and old. At some point Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens joined the performance, as did Beyonce, who was showing a lot of skin. I like her. At this point, they were all singing different songs; it was a frenetic medley, going back and forth from one song to another, and back again. By the end they were trading line-for-line. When they finished, I thought, “Damn, that must’ve been hard to put together…pretty impressive performance…” I then blacked out when the demon possessing me left my body.

When I came to, I had to rewind the DVR a bit. I should have stayed passed out. Actors tried to read the teleprompter and be funny at the same time, Queen Latifah sang while they paid tribute to those who died in '08. Cuba Gooding tried to joke with Robert Downey Jr. about his role in Tropic Thunder to no avail, and Sarah Jessica Parker's boobies almost popped out of her dress. All-in-all, about as good as expected. Can't wait for next year!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Blog You Should Read: Miss Piggy Lunchbox

Miss Piggy Lunchbox is a well-written blog consisting mostly of music reviews, with a little bit of Northwest-via-Midwest humor, sports, and politics thrown in. It's obvious that the writer is way smart, but he doesn't go out of his way to make his audience feel way dumb, despite the occasional inside joke and computer code gag. He also does a great job of not over-explaining himself, a sin that I am guilty of from time-to-time.

The thing that makes this blog excel, besides the well-crafted, meaty posts, are the reviews of older albums. It's not often you run across a recently written review of 15 year old album. It makes you think about older music in a new light, and gives you an itch to go back and listen to albums you may have forgotten about. His reviews run the spectrum from grunge to country; new releases to 20 year old gems.

In a recent post, he reviews Dolly Parton's 16 Biggest Hits. He gives it 4.5 out of 5 lunchboxes. Here is a small taste:

“Jolene” and “Two Doors Down” are amazing and the fact that they’re head and shoulders above most everything else here probably pushes some songs that would be mixers on lesser albums down to keeper status. But “9 To 5” is the Best Song Ever. Oh, you think you know it, I can hear the chorus playing in your head right now, but let me tell you that what is playing in your head is nowhere near what the song sounds like. Just go listen to it and tell me I’m wrong. As the bass pumps with heat that only funk and disco bands were hitting it with in 1980 and the typewriter clicks and dings as a percussive instrument, your head will start to bob. As Parton sings “Tumble out of bed, and I stumble to the kitchen/Pour myself a cup of ambition,” you will involuntarily audibly agree because, oh, you know it, Dolly. By the time her “blood starts pumping” and “out on the street the traffic starts jumping,” you will think that going to work in an office in 1980 as a woman was the best thing of all time because never has the glass ceiling sounded so f**king good.
It was a pleasure to read, and it inspired me do two things; write this review & look for my copy of Dolly's 16 Biggest Hits.

Here is a link for those who like links at the bottom of the post. Enjoy.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

"We're Running Out Of Rich People In This Country" - Michele Bachmann

I normally don't touch politics for a couple of reasons; I ain't be smart enough, and the other not really important, but I want to let everyone know that although Michele Bachmann is my representative, I did not vote for her, and I believe she's a complete nut job.

She's been all over the news again for her latest bit of lunacy. In case you haven't read about it, here & here are links to the latest story.

And here is a link to the Dump Michele Bachmann blog, just for fun.

That's it, I'm out of politics forever!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Humorous Hymen Anecdote

Update: Apparently, I had some of the details wrong, so my sweetheart was kind enough to fill in the blanks...

The following conversation is between my sweetheart and her adorable mom:

Sweetheart: Hey mom. How's it going? How's sis?

Mom: I took her to the doctor Friday. Apparently she has mono. Now it's getting so bad her glands are swollen. You know how you have that hymen in the back of your throat? Her glands are so swollen she can feel her hymen.

Sweetheart: Mom...A hymen isn't in your throat.

Mom: Yes it is. You know, that thing that hangs down in the back of your throat.

Sweetheart:Mom, a hymen is the thing that used to be in your vagina. The thing in your throat is a uvula.

Mom: Are you sure? I thought I knew all of my medical terminology.

Sweetheart: I guess not mom. Medical school 25 years ago is much different than it is today.

Footnote: Both women were having this conversation at work, in cubical environments.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Cool Looking Urinal?

This urinal is from a bar in NE Minneapolis called Stasius Place.
Besides having to touch elbows with someone when both sides are in use, and being way too easy to pee on your shoes, it's pretty cool.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Why am I Reading

Not sure why, but I was reading an article on about Amy Adams, the lovely actress from Junebug, and Doubt. The article was talking about her being portrayed in the press as pure and innocent. Then they drop a bombshell...they're making Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian. Yep, a sequel to Night at the Museum, staring Ben Stiller. That's confusing enough, but what Amy Adams says about her butt is even more confusing...please enjoy this excerpt from the article:

  • ...She'll swap the Catholic nun robe she wore in Doubt for a pair of snug jodhpurs as Amelia Earhart in Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian. "It's going to be an Amy Adams butt show," she says. "I was like, 'That's a lot of information.' I'm not known for showing my ass on camera, but there it is."
When I first read that, I thought - sweet, I'd love to see Amy Adams' butt, but then I thought about Night at the Museum and how it's a PG movie, mostly for why would she be showing her butt???

So then I finally re-read the article, and figured that jodhpurs might be key to my understanding what's going on, so I Googled the shit out of it, and finally learned that jodhpurs are those tight pants that jockey's wear. So now I know why it's going to be the Amy Adams butt show, but why did Amelia Earhart wear jodhpurs? Did all aviators wear them?

I do want to know, but now I'm too bored and lazy to Google it to find out for myself, so if anyone knows, please clue me in.

These are some lovely jodhpurs that you can buy at

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Groundhog Day Violence

This Groundhog Day, in a stunning turn of events, Punxsutawney Phil was beaten within an inch of his life, then held up for all to see as a warning to other groundhogs.

His handler, Ben Hughes, had this to say when asked for a comment:
"Every year he gets a little more uppity, and this year he finally pushed us too far."

Under the Sofa With Some Whiskey

Recently, a British man somehow got stuck under his sofa, and could not get up for 2 days, because of his back problems. He survived by sipping from a bottle of whiskey.

Let me see...2 days under a sofa...with a bottle of whiskey...
Four things come to mind:

  • Hell, I've done that voluntarily.
  • Is a sofa the same thing as a couch?
  • Sounds like my first honeymoon.
  • Sounds like a nice weekend.
That's it, that's all I got. Thanks for stopping by to read this nonsense.

Here's the entire story:
A BRITISH man survived more than two days trapped under his sofa by sipping from a bottle of whisky, it was reported today.

Joe Galliott fell against the sofa during a power cut at his home in Somerset, southwest England, and could not free himself because of back problems, the BBC reported.

He remained stuck for 60 hours in that position - during which time a bottle of whisky rolled close enough for him to open it - until a neighbour became concerned that Mr Galliott's curtains had not been drawn for two days.

"The whole settee tipped over catching me like a rat in a trap," the 65-year-old told the BBC.

"I took a sip of (the whisky) and thought, well this isn't too bad."

Mr Galliott, who spent five days in hospital recovering, admitted to becoming concerned after going so long without food or water: "It felt like a lifetime, you think you're there forever."

He told the broadcaster that he now kept a bottle of whisky next to the sofa "just in case".

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Late Night Commercials Are Different

I Saw this lady hawking her sexy wares on TV last night, luckily I had a camera near by...

I'm not saying she's not beautiful...just an odd choice to be on TV telling people to come down and get some sexy panties.

Maybe it's because she looks like my aunt Pearl, or maybe the organist from my childhood church. Yes, organist.

I'm happy to see a woman who looks like this on TV selling Gifts of Fantasy. Our society tends to look down upon people who buy/sell items such as these. We like to think that only "other" people are buying edible undies and ball gags to play with. We don't want to look in the mirror and realize that it's not just "dirty" people gettin' it on with plastic vaginas or sucking on 9" rubber phalluses (or maybe it should be Phalli). It's you and it's me. It's your mother and your father. It's the Mailman (or mail-chick), your teacher, your pilot, and especially your elected officials. People of the U.S.A., we are all sexual people, so let's get the sticks out of our asses, get naked, and get it on!

Give it up for the Fantasy Gifts Lady!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Waffles in the Back Seat

I got into my sweetheart's car this last Saturday morning, and noticed a box of whole wheat frozen waffles in the back seat. I asked her to explain...
She explained that she brought the waffles to work Friday, and when she got home, she forgot them in the car. Fair enough, but then she explained her thinking to me:
"I'll just leave them in the car, so I'll have them for work on Monday, and if I want one this weekend, I'll just go down to the garage and get one."

She is awesome.

Super Bowl Nostalgia

In January 1988, Chubby Checker performed at halftime of Super Bowl XXII. And he apparently borrowed a blouse from Diana Ross.

Top Ten Super Bowl Halftime Shows (SI Vault)

Monday, January 26, 2009

My Nephew Does The Sprinkler

Earlier in the fall, my sister dropped by with my youngest nephews, and he demonstrated one of the dance techniques he's been working on...The Sprinkler.

I had a chance to catch up with my youngest nephew and ask him a few questions about his moves....

Midnight Toker: So, how did you learn to dance like that?

Youngest Nephew: Good question, and thanks for asking. When I was about 13 months old, I found an old record in the garage. It was a novelty album put out in the 80's by the WWF, the wrestling organization...or should I say WWE, since they were forced to change their name after a law suit, but I digress...The 1st song on the album is Land of a Thousand Dances, and it features all sorts of dances. I was curious about them, so I looked them up online. My whole life I had been looking for a purpose, and from the moment I researched all the different ways you can dance, I was hooked. I knew I'd be dancing the rest of my life.

Midnight Toker: Wow, that is quite a story, and an inspiring one. I hope other toddlers listen to what you have to say and let your words inspire them.

Youngest Nephew: I hope so too. If I can inspire just one little one to take up dancing, it'll all be worth while.

Midnight Toker: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Youngest Nephew: No. Go ahead, shoot.

Midnight Toker: Now, please be honest, did you poop your diaper?

Youngest Nephew: Yeah, so what, I haven't even started potty training yet.

Midnight Toker: OK, good to see you, little guy...Where's your mommy?...

Pet Names

I enjoy using pet names for my lady. Like gal, babe, sweet-tits, etc, but it seems that for every gal who likes being called gal, there's a babe who hates being called gal, and would rather be called sweet-tits.

I think it would be very fascinating for someone to take a poll of some average sweethearts to see what nicknames they like and dislike...if I were not such a lazy man, I would be that someone, but here some of the nicknames I would ask those doll faces about:

How about lady? As in: Hey there lady, how was your day?
or babe? Hey babe, how was your day?
or baby? Hey baby, could you get me a beer?
or darling? Hey darling, could you get me another beer...with less lip this time!
or honey? Hey honey, do you know where my ball-gag is?
or sweetie? Hey sweetie, I think you dropped something, you better bend over to pick it up...

Wicked Sin

OK, so almost 2 years after my estranged wife left me...and my divorce papers are finally filed with the court and I will officially be divorced within 2 weeks! I'm very happy about this.

Now, on to other matters...For over a year now, I've been living in wicked sin with my new lady friend, let's call her Lady. So I am simply ecstatic that soon I will only be living in just regular sin. Lady is also very happy. When I talked to her earlier, she had this to say, "I am very happy." Very well put, Lady.

Here's a horrendous drawing of Lady & I grilling in the suburbs: