Friday, December 28, 2007

I Love Pole Vaulting

Don't you?

I Found My Balls!

Oh my god! I think I found my balls! They are inside my bedroom wall, running around, going crazy all day and night! Oh, it's not my balls, it's a squirrel. Never mind.

“Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks

I ran into a blog that documents the use of unnecessary quotation marks. May not sound exciting on the surface, but check it out. Very funny.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Running With Sharp Objects

I guess sharp objects and kids aren't that bad of a combo...

During a service at St Paul's church in Cannon Falls, Minnesota, a 2-year-old girl found a screwdriver, started to run with it, and fell. The screwdriver pierced her skull just above her right eye. No brain damage occurred and no surgery was needed to extract the screwdriver. She is to make a full recovery. The news story says that she was playing with other children in a supervised area when the incident took place.

I'm curious about this "supervised area." Is this a shed in the back yard of the church where they keep hedge trimmers, gas tanks and screwdrivers? Or maybe it's actually a nice plush nursery, but with the extra special touch of screwdrivers laying around. My point being, why was there a freaking screwdriver in the children's play area? Bad church, that's a bad bad church, hope you learned your lesson.

Check out this 100% real, absolutely disgusting x-ray from the incident:

The Star Tribune telling of the story can be found HERE

Happy Holidays

It's back to the grind for me after a few days off from my day job. It was a true delight to be away from sales figures & statistics, my gray cubical walls, and the urinal that always contains unflushed urine.
Now on to more important matters, my favorite first line to a news story of 2007:

LOS ANGELES, Dec. 25 (UPI) -- A beefy gent wearing a red Santa hat and purple G-string in Los Angeles this holiday season not only didn't pass for Santa but failed a Breathalyzer test, too.
Paints quite a picture. Apparently this "beefy gent" was also wearing a blond wig, black leg warmers and a red lace camisole. The L.A. County Sheriff's Deputy Chief had this to say, "pretty sure this is not ... Santa Claus."

If you'd like to read the original story, here you go: Beefy Gent Story

Thursday, December 13, 2007

All-Time Favorite Sports Photo

I'm sure most tennis players aren't worried about what they look like while they are battling it out on the court, and at any moment a photographer can capture a moment in time that may or may not paint the most flattering picture. So it is with heavy heart and no malice towards either of these fine gentlemen, that I present my favorite sports photo ever:

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Abnormal Wear

I had to work this past Saturday morning. When I left my house, the temperature was four below zero, but more importantly, the temperature had only risen to 5 above when I got off and found my left rear tire completely flat.

I had as much fun as I possibly could while changing a tire in that sort of weather, then headed off to get the tire fixed. Unfortunately, the tire was damaged beyond repair, and due to what they called "abnormal wear", my road hazard replacement warranty did not apply. I purchased a new tire and left my car so they could attach it. When I picked up my car, I got in and started to drive off. I looked to where I keep my sunglasses and they were not there. I quickly glanced around and didn't see them, as I slowed to the side of the road. I cursed the unknown tire-replacing guy who surely had stolen my glasses...Then I found the glasses wedged in between the passenger seat and the door.

Looking back, I'm not sure why I easily jumped to the conclusion that somebody risked their job by nicking a heavily used pair of $10 sunglasses. Typically, I try not to jump to conclusions or blame someone without all the facts, but it was very sunny out that day and I really wanted to put on my sunglasses.

Here is an awesome rendering of me looking sad over my flat tire:


Another wife killer, another dude named Peterson.

If I were a woman, I would not marry a guy named Peterson. Irrational? Yes, but why take that chance?

Click here to read how Drew Peterson confessed to killing his 3rd wife to his now-missing 4th wife.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Do People Use Pencils Anymore?

I overheard a coworker today while on a sales call. She was at the point in the call where she was ready to give the person on the other line, her number, and she asked, "Do you have a pencil?"
It struck me odd, you just don't hear people ask if they have a pencil. Instead, it's usually, "Do you have a pen?"

If you're like me, and jeez, let's hope not, you used pencils a lot in school. K-12 for sure, and even college, but in my experience, I don't see many people whipping out pencils to jot down someone's number or to make a grocery list in the car on the way to the market. Adults rarely use pencils.

Search your feelings, you know it to be true. Sure, there are special circumstances in which a person may use a pencil. Maybe somebody who draws for a living, a designer or someone of that ilk, would possible maybe carry a pencil around instead of a pen, but as a whole, I'm going to stick to my assertion that most adults just don't use pencils.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Goats, Guns & Dairy Queen

I love America for all the freedoms I am afforded. I love America for the great highway system. I love America for its national pastime, baseball. But most of all, above any of that, I love America because of goats, guns & Dairy Queen.

Recently, a man in Wisconsin, angry at his wife because she didn't pick up beer from the store, shot the family's goats. He was on the phone with his wife, threatening that he'd shoot them if she didn't go back to the store for beer, and finally shot them when she refused to go back to the store.

According to the story, the 2 goats were beloved family pets.
"We took those goats swimming, we took them to Dairy Queen to get ice cream, they were completely leash-trained," the man's daughter said, "...they didn't deserve this."

If you'd like some tasty goat recipes, check out the follow link: Goat Meat Recpies