Tuesday, October 23, 2007

"Thank You, Sir"

Do you remember the first time somebody, probably younger than you, called you Sir or Madam? Well, I don't. Who cares. I don't care what people call me. I'd rather a stranger call me sir than call me by my first name.

I have a day job where I work on the phone. I talk to many strangers daily and it just creeps me out, or maybe it just makes me feel violated, when a stranger calls me by my first name. Unfortunately, one of the expectations of my job is to tell the customer right up front what my name is, so it's out there, ready to be turned back at me. Luckily, about 37% of the time, customers are as bad with names as I am, and they forget my name altogether, then there's the other 23% that don't bother using my name, but that leaves the remaining 40% of customers who feel compelled to use my name to shape some sort of rapport out of our three minute phone conversation.

Now, out of the 40% that use my name, there's that rare 4% that are lonely, most-likely elderly, and feel that not only do they need to use my name, but they need to have a conversation about their time in the Navy, or their new great grandchild, or how they use to pay 5 cents per gallon for gas. Somehow, despite my heart being a dark, baron wasteland, I almost don't mind them saying my name. It's those young, brash, "everyone wants to be my friend" douche bags that get to me when throwing around the name my mama gave me.

So, to review my self-righteous rant, I don't mind being called sir, or mister, or big guy, or dude. Just don't call me by my name until you know me.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Libya - Come For the Sand, and Bring Cash

Evidentially, Libya is going to try to get travel sanctions lifted in an attempt to get more tourists to visit. From cnn.com: "U.N. sanctions kept tourists from visiting this North African country for more than a decade. Now the former pariah state best known for its eccentric leader, Moammar Gadhafi, is slowly opening its doors as it tries to shed its rogue state status."

After reading the story, I decided to check out what a possible trip to Libya might be like. From what I've read alcohol is banned in Libya and ATM's are scarce, so there's that.

This is either a hotel or an ancient ruin. Since I have no idea which, and this blog really isn't based in fact, I'm going to say it's a hotel.

From the hotel, it's only a short ride through the desert to another great attraction...

Sand Skiing!

This is Col. Muammar Abu Minyar al-Qadhafi, the leader of Libya. He apparently does not have an official title. He just took over and started to lead. How about that, slackers? This dude just took over a country and started to lead it, and we can't even lead ourselves into the laundry room.

Libya has a thriving mass transit system.

Ladies and gentleman, give it up once again to the great leader of Libya, Col. Muammar Abu Minyar al-Qadhafi!!!


I wish I could say I was being cool & ironic with the "Crazy Photo Monday" stuff, but that's what's going on here. It's Monday and I'm cleaning out my hard drive, and that's not a sex joke. I found some interesting stuff to share, re-share, whatever. Enjoy, or don't, see what I care!!!

Here is my estranged wife's cat with a superimposed mask:
Here is me with my old band playing on a flat-bed truck in a small town:

Here is Xtina in a white dress:

This is the stuff of dreams:

The guy in front is looking down towards the promised land, oh yeah.

Here is my uncle dropping by for a visit.
Just kidding! It's really not my uncle.
Zing! Bang! Bop! Had you going!

Blow In Her Face?

Yeah, she'll follow you, because you're playing keep-away with the only clean towel.

Green Is One of My Favorite Colors

Green is a great color. Lots of people like green, especially Hunter Green.
"Hunter Green" dates back to 1892. Predictably, hunter green was named for the color worn by hunters in the 19th century. It wasn't as popular a color back then, because they didn't have hunter green Pontiac Bonnevilles.

Libya's flag is green. All green. Just green.
Here is what Wikipedia had listed for the Libyan flag:

Here is a more pleasant example from Google Images:

Friday, October 19, 2007

They Are After Me

They will not rest until they catch me.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Nasty Song About Estranged Wife

I just came across some lyrics to a song I wrote when my wife left me last March. I feel compelled to share it with ya'll. The chorus is pretty mean spirited, but it was what the old man was feeling at that time.

You smell lingers
on your pillow case
I keep it around
Doesn’t take up much space

I’ve taken down your photos
And I’ve packed up your things
I told my friends and family
I’ve taken off my ring

You talked so sweetly
About our future so bright
But when things got tough
You decided on flight

You took my car
And my last paycheck
You’ll always be running
And always a wreck…

Because you’re a lying bitch
and you will burn in hell
But first I hope you suffer
For a great long spell
And when it crashes down
And it’s all nasty weather
Don’t look for me
To put you back together

You think you’re healthy
Hanging with your ‘cult’
You blindly follow
And I fear the result

You might end up
On a spaceship with wings
Heading for a new life
And everything that brings

Because you’re a lying bitch
and you will burn in hell
But first I hope you suffer
For a great long spell
And when it crashes down
And it’s all nasty weather
Don’t look for me
To put you back together

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I Bet Andy Rooney Smells Weird

My favorite quotes from last Sunday's Andy Rooney segment on 60 Minutes:

"There's just so much beautiful warm weather I can take. I like a little of this but then I'd want a change."

"Some people who like fall call it autumn. I never use the word "autumn." It sounds pretentious."

"Cold snowy weather is better in every way than hot, dry weather."

Let's all take some time and just think on the great points Andy brought up...OK, that's long enough. Now, who wants cake?

If you'd like to check out Andy's broadcast, follow this link.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Tacos Look Good On TV

I am not proud of most of the things I did as a raging pothead/alcoholic, but as my mind gets more clear day-by-day, I keep remembering previously forgotten events.
This is one I am particularly not proud of:

One evening after a successful pot and booze-fueled practice session with my band, I drove home and turned on the TV. As I sipped on a dangerously cold beer, cloud of smoke hanging overhead, an advertisement appeared on the TV for Taco Bell. They don't have the best food, but they do a pretty good job of making it look appetizing on the TV. Of course, I was under the influence big-time, so my mouth started to water and before I knew what happened I was in my car heading towards yummy town.

I sat for a short time in the line and finally ordered my tacos and I approached the window and handed her a five-dollar bill. I received my change, said thanks and drove out of the parking lot towards my apartment. At a red light, I glanced over and didn’t see my food sitting there. I looked over between the seat and the door, but it was not there either. I looked on the floor, in the back seat and finally realized that I drove off after I paid, but before getting my food.

For those of you that know me, you know there was zero chance of me going back and telling them what happened, so feeling ashamed, stupid and still very hungry, I pulled into Wendy’s, got a burger, went home and ate.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Toss Your Tainted Meat!

With all the news of tainted meat being on the market, I just wanted to warn you all to never eat tainted meat.
If you don't know if your meat is tainted, it is wise to err on the side of caution and just toss your meat.

You can inspect your meat if you wish. Take your meat out and look at it. Does it have a funny color? Does it have an odd smell? I wouldn't touch your meat at this time, just look at it and inspect it visually, and make sure you have adequate lighting while inspecting your meat. If you get a weird feeling about your meat or if you are just not sure if your meat is tainted, again, just toss it.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

I Miss My iPod

I recently contacted my estranged wife and asked her nicely to send me my iPod which she absconded with when she left me. It was not "our" iPod, for it was a birthday present to me from my father. Of course, she did use the iPod while we were together, but I don't think I'm out of line thinking that she should have left the iPod with me.
So I ask her via email to send it to me and she responds with one line, "Chill out about the iPod."
Besides the obvious, the fact that she uses the word "the" instead of "your" is very interesting. She obviously is under the impression that it is OUR iPod and not MY iPod.
I'd be angry if it wasn't so damn funny.
I miss my iPod.