Friday, March 12, 2010

Mr. Rooney Goes to the Bathroom

Here is a never-before-seen Andy Rooney report on public bathrooms.

Ever been in one of these public bathrooms? It’s a big tiled room with sinks, urinals and stalls. Sometimes the urinals have nothing separating them, sometimes there’s a small partition in between. That partition never seems to be high enough. Most of the time you’re able to look over the partition and right down at the guy next to you, so why have the partition there at all? Most of these bathrooms have at least 2 stalls with doors where you can sit and do your business, but I’ve seen some stalls that don’t have doors at all. Why would a stall not have a door? Are they still called "stalls" if it doesn't have a door?

When I'm sitting in a stall, and someone's at the urinal, I try to guess the size of their penis by the sound their stream makes. I wonder if there is a connection between penis size and the heaviness of the stream. It makes sense to me that the bigger the penis, the bigger the hole, and the bigger the stream, but I can’t be sure.

And what about these automatic sinks? I put my hands under the faucet and nothing comes out, then I take them away and the water starts, but by the time I put my hands back under the faucet, the water stops. I just can’t time it right.

In my day, we didn’t worry about all these germs. I never heard of someone dying of urine germ infection. We just wiped our hands on our pants and went on with the day.

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